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Food For The Soul: Female Competition

I’ve been having the same thought circle through my mind this week. A couple things happened that made me take a look at intentions and desires in other people. Then I thought how we as women can either succeed or fail when it comes to supporting each other. I think competition is the root of most sisterhood failures. Whether that be over a job, opportunity, man, money or whatever. Those who find a way to compete alongside their sisters instead of against them often cut that stress away. We can all say that we’re here for our girls, but take a moment to think about this. Do you actually support your sister? Or do you just say you do?

Mock sisterhood is a problem among young women. We can be like family until something we want comes into the fold. We all want to live an amazing life, and that can sometimes get in the way of our relationships with other women. Because we all want to be successful. We all want to find that special someone. We all want to make our time on this planet count. So what does that mean when it comes to someone wanting the same things you want? What if that person is a friend, family member or colleague? Do you undercut their feelings because of the need to achieve what you want? Or is it better to take the temporary L in order to see your girl achieve love, happiness and success?

What we must understand is conflict, as a whole, is inevitable in life. There's bound to be a rift in each relationship you hold. With women this rift can cause the relationship to crumble or strengthen. Believe me, it’s incredibly easy to compete against another woman if you have selfish intentions. At times we could want something so bad just to keep it from another person. Even if we don’t really want or need it. The minute you turn things into a competition you might as well call the relationship. Because it will eventually end.

Let’s keep it real. Women have always been competing with each other. Tyra and Naomi, Joan and Bette, Cardi and Nicki. Those may be extreme examples, but you get the picture. It’s a part of our power to be competitive and push each other to step up our game. We're only at fault when we push each other too far or not enough. Don’t be that girl who pushes a friend out of her life, and over a cliff.

So the question of the hour is how can we truly be supportive of a sister who wants what we want? They want the guy, the attention, the job, the money and accolades. In my opinion, you have to evaluate your desire. Ask yourself, do I want it because she does? Do I want it because I genuinely need and worked hard for it? Or do I want to just satiate a temporary need that will fizzle out as soon as I get what I’m competing for? Once you have answered those questions, ask yourself do you value your relationship with your so-called competitor/friend? This is where you consider who you as a person and your relationship.

Because if we are being honest with ourselves, in 2018, it’s hard to make and keep friends. I feel no need to compete with my sisters. There’s no reason we can’t all find what we’re searching for. Where we may run into an issue is if someone has an all-for-one mindset. To that I say, GIRL don’t be GREEDY. You’re not Ariana Grande, and that’s not cute. There’s no excuse to not share the wealth and not have your Sex and The City moment with your girl crew. There are plenty of men, job opportunities and attention to go around. If your gal pal is doing big things, support her. Show up to her gigs. Applaud her for doing something because it’s so easy to just do nothing. If your girl has a crush tell her to go for it. Stop competing against your sister and start competing alongside them.

Before I close this one out, I don’t want to make it seem like you can't be competitive as a person. My friends and I are competitive with each other because we want to see each other happy and successful. Where women fail each other is when we make conscience decisions to make something little into a competitive situation in order to overcompensate for a selfish need or underlying trauma. Once again, question your desires then just talk to your friend about the situation.

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So Good and it’s unfortunate that sometimes as women we can’t see the picture full circle but conversations like these are needed in order to move us forward as a unit.

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